Unlicensed Attorneys at Law say, "know your history!"

History of the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law

The fateful summer of 2002 brought together the two nastiest rappers the world has ever seen. On the run from the cops because he viciously slayed their wives' crotches and impregnated them, DJ Shalope called on the only man he could count on: Kareef, a professional gynecologist that was mowing lawns for a living.

The two started out small as they dabbled with acoustic guitar and some piano while hiding out from an angry bookie that Kareef stiffed after a particularly disappointing Super Bowl (not to mention the cops that were still after Shalope because he pleasured their wives). The duo soon became the underground favorite of music critics after the release of Wighat, their song about wearing hats with fake hair plastered to the inside.

But the acoustic sound wasn't enough to contain the Attorneys (who, by this time, were both practicing lawyers despite the fact that the bar association refused to admit them... again, due to wives' crotches getting slayed, as you can imagine). Experimenting with the hip hop sound, UAL moved onto true success with their first hit rap track: Chinilla.

A huge success, Chinilla inspired the Attorneys to continue with more rap tracks. They released their first full length album, Guilty as Charged, in 2004 to rave reviews. Rappers from across the universe were now desperate to be included on their sophomore release, Face Money pt 2, which debuted in early 2005. This album featured soon-to-be repeat UAL offender, Ronnie B.

The success of these two albums earned Kareef and Shalope the honor Nastiest Rappers on Earth, an award presented to them in the back of a dirty Detroit motel by five semi-attractive strippers. Due to increasing critical acclaim and a high level of demand that caused their first two albums to sell out across the world, UAL released Unlicensed Hits -- a remastered collection of their most popular songs.

The Attorneys cemented their title of Nastiest Rappers on Earth with the release of their third album of original material, Nasty Confessional. This 2007 album is by far the nastiest body of work the Attorneys have ever put out (and perhaps the nastiest musical recordings ever released, period). An important note regarding this album is that DJ Shalope was brutally murdered in a bloody street fight by his music producer alter ego, Nik Furious, who now rhymes alongside Kareef.

In 2008, the result of two days of intensive creative collaboration during one of their infamous UAL Summit Recording Sessions produced the 20 Minute Sex Soundtrack. This cutting-edge workout mix is intended to be used exactly like it says in the title: for 20 minutes of the freak nasty with your favorite lover.

What will the future hold for the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law? No one truly knows. But in the present, one thing is for sure: the two continue to live large, fuck nasty, and rhyme nastier.

EDIT: In 2009, Kareef quit the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law... which means that he sucks and is a bitch and Nik Furious deserves to hate him more than anything in the entire world.