History of the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law
The fateful summer of 2002 brought together the two nastiest rappers the world has ever seen. On the run from the cops because he viciously slayed their wives' crotches and impregnated them, DJ Shalope called on the only man he could count on: Kareef, a professional gynecologist that was mowing lawns for a living.
The two started out small as they dabbled with acoustic guitar and some piano while hiding out from an angry bookie that Kareef stiffed after a particularly disappointing Super Bowl (not to mention the cops that were still after Shalope because he pleasured their wives). The duo soon became the underground favorite of music critics after the release of Wighat, their song about wearing hats with fake hair plastered to the inside.
But the acoustic sound wasn't enough to contain the Attorneys (who, by this time, were both practicing lawyers despite the fact that the bar association refused to admit them... again, due to wives' crotches getting slayed, as you can imagine). Experimenting with the hip hop sound, UAL moved onto true success with their first hit rap track: Chinilla.
A huge success, Chinilla inspired the Attorneys to continue with more rap tracks. They released their first full length album, Guilty as Charged, in 2004 to rave reviews. Rappers from across the universe were now desperate to be included on their sophomore release, Face Money pt 2, which debuted in early 2005. This album featured soon-to-be repeat UAL offender, Ronnie B.
The success of these two albums earned Kareef and Shalope the honor Nastiest Rappers on Earth, an award presented to them in the back of a dirty Detroit motel by five semi-attractive strippers. Due to increasing critical acclaim and a high level of demand that caused their first two albums to sell out across the world, UAL released Unlicensed Hits -- a remastered collection of their most popular songs.
The Attorneys cemented their title of Nastiest Rappers on Earth with the release of their third album of original material, Nasty Confessional. This 2007 album is by far the nastiest body of work the Attorneys have ever put out (and perhaps the nastiest musical recordings ever released, period). An important note regarding this album is that DJ Shalope was brutally murdered in a bloody street fight by his music producer alter ego, Nik Furious, who now rhymes alongside Kareef.
In 2008, the result of two days of intensive creative collaboration during one of their infamous UAL Summit Recording Sessions produced the 20 Minute Sex Soundtrack. This cutting-edge workout mix is intended to be used exactly like it says in the title: for 20 minutes of the freak nasty with your favorite lover.
But the dirty duo was dealt a deadly blow in early 2009, when Kareef quit the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law. Nik Furious went underground, focusing on his instrumental music and crying himself to sleep every night. And the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law were no more.
Yet from the ashes a phoenix did rise. Nearly three years later, the Attorneys surprised the Milky Way when they returned with The Bacon and Eggs EP, a three-song collection of ultimate nastiness. Featuring 100% original production (that means no samples, natch), this triad of tracks was released as a special XXXmas gift to all of the UAL fans across the universe.
Still, something was amiss. True to his word, Kareef was no longer a practicing Attorney... but Nik Furious wasn't rapping alone. By his side was a new partner, the enigmatic Reverend Laycock. Little is known of this filthy MC and the mysterious path that led him to the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law. But one thing is sure -- the revived UAL is back on top (of your mom) and ready to rock (your mom).
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