Unlicensed Attorneys at Law blog and podcast.

OK, so as most of you may know I have been “acting weird”, or so Furious says. And I’m writing this to say that yes, maybe I have and also that yes, maybe I have been thinking about quitting the Attorneys. Don’t get me wrong, it has been the ride of a lifetime so far. There’s nothing I love more than going to the senior center with Furious and picking up a couple of raunchy geezers and pumping them full of my young cock until they pass out and die on our couch. But I think there comes a time in every man’s life when we must ask ourselves, is this really what life is all about?

With that said, I am not quitting the Attorneys as of now. But I have been doing some soul searching. I look at our body of work and I say to myself, how could I let my kids see this one day, and I’m not talking about the thousands I have been skipping child support payments on. I’m talking about the kids me and my third wife actually love. I believe that maybe I am changing. I can’t go out anymore and get shit faced and tag team random sluts with Furious every night and be satisfied with my life. Sure, its nice to casually buttfuck a chick for hours on end and fall asleep knowing that I’ll be doing the same thing the next night, but I just don’t think I can keep up anymore. Or maybe I don’t want to.

The Unlicensed Attorneys at Law have been a huge part of my life. It has been a pleasure to rhyme alongside Furious and truly tear up tracks. But maybe being one of two Nastiest Rappers Alive is not what I want anymore. I want my music to mean something and I don’t know that sticking with the Attorneys is the way to go. Again, I am not quitting the Attorneys now, I just need some more time to think about and examine my life so far and figure out if I’m truly satisfied with where I now stand. As the great band Commuter once wrote, “Young hearts beat fast,” and mine truly does. Thank you all for the support.

I know this is my first official time blogging on here as Nik Furious… and it sucks to do it under these circumstances, but I’m really worried about Kareef and I have to say something. He’s acting strange, like not returning my calls and not meeting up with me at the club to tag team some crazy freaks who then come back to our place where we smear peanut butter all over their bodies and have a naked slip-n-slide competition.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really worried that he might want to quit the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law. I don’t know what I’d do if he did quit… I mean, how could it be UAL with just me? I’d have to start some shitty solo career. It’s hard being nasty on my own.

Every second Tuesday of the month we always meet up to go to the bus station and pick up chicks who aren’t wearing any panties. He totally ditched me this month. Since then, I haven’t heard a word from him. It’s starting to freak me out.

If anyone out there has talked to Kareef in the past few weeks, let me know. I have to know what’s going on. I don’t want UAL to break up. And I especially don’t want us to lose the title of Nastiest Rappers in the Universe.

Almost 5.5 gigs in November… not quite but almost. December is off to a modest start with just over 0.5 gigs. We love you. Love our music. WICKED.

This past Sunday, Nik Furious dropped a new track called “To the MAX” over on the AudioShocker podcast and blog. It’s a story about hooking up his nanny, pissing off his wife, and then hooking up with his mother-in-law to make everything right again. You know, normal everyday type of shit.

Whoops. I mean 5.5 gigs. That’s what you listened to and downloaded in October. And that makes us randy for your musical love. That’s right. We want you to suckle from our free downloadable teats. BTW, the Firefox spell check knows how to spell “tits.” Awesome.

And people have downloaded over 4 gigs of Attorneys music in October. Sexy.

Ah yes the tenth month of 2008 is moving along nicely. We’re at the halfway point and we’ve moved over 3 gigs of music so far. That’s what I like. You keep downloading our music and we’ll keep downloading your mom.

The following is a transcript of a text message conversation between Kareef and Nik Furious:

Kareef: Ual does -CONFIDENTIAL- classics…let me know your thoughts

Nik Furious: You are a genius. This could be the one that finally gets up in some real trouble. We should put -CONFIDENTIAL- on hold to make this album.

Kareef: I thought you might like it i figure its the most innocent becoming the most raunchy masterpiece ever

Nik Furious: Yeah this is maybe the most insane and beautiful expression of UAL i’ve ever heard. What songs to sample?

Kareef: The two that led me to think were -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a whole new girl and -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a cunt ima fuck up

Nik Furious: We gotta use -CONFIDENTIAL- and -CONFIDENTIAL- (about going down on a chick - or it could be called under my pee and be about golden showers).

Kareef: Nice i like that um im feelin a cunt etc is about us bein pissed about chicks that wont hump us so we give em roofies and well you know

Nik Furious: Fo sho. We can also sample -CONFIDENTIAL- and sing - unlicensed nights like unlicensed days more often than not we’re banging that twat in hundreds of ways.

Kareef: Very nice

Don’t get me wrong — I want this to be right. But it just seems so unbelievable. I logged into our webstats yesterday to see if we’d topped last month’s downloads, and I found this:

Last Friday / Saturday, we moved somewhere around 22 gigs of content. If this is true, that puts our total listens and downloads at over 27 gigs of material in September.

WHATAZZZ UP, nasty fans?! You did it again. You turned us on by downloading and listening to over 4 gigs of Unlicensed Attorneys music in September. That’s sexy.

By the way, what the fuck is up with the new MySpace Music thing? It totally blows! If you’re not some major label artist then you can still only upload a whopping grand total of six songs. How lame is that shit!??

The answer: super lame. That’s why the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law give you every single song we’ve ever recorded for free. No strings attached. Because we love you.

What a royal pain in my ass. I was like, “Oh, it’ll be sweet to delete the Unlicensed Diary and make this blog instead!” Well guess what? It wasn’t sweet. It sucked. Big balls. Hairy balls. Moist balls.

Okay, sorry, I’m getting carried away. Point is, I’m tired of taking our old diary updates and moving them onto this blog. And I’m goddamn glad to be done.

Anyway, podcast news coming soon…

You downloaded and listened to over 5.6 gigs of Unlicensed Attorneys music in August, making it by far our biggest bandwidth month yet.

Welcome to 5 gig country, nasty fans. Enjoy your stay.

To my surprise, we’re at 4.89 gigs.

You’ve listened to and downloaded 4 gigs of Attorneys music in August. You’ve absolutely crushed any previous month. According to my not-so-scientific calculations, that means people have downloaded and listened to over 15 hours of Unlicensed Attorneys music this month. Excellent.