… and i think he’s dead. His car was found totaled on the side of the road with no body inside.

I’d say I’m worried and sad expect that fucker quit the Attorneys, so actually, I don’t give a shit.

OH WHO AM I KIDDING I CAN’T STOP CRYING. TAKE ME INSTEAD GOD TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!!!!

What up. Furious here just letting you know that I didn’t give up and I’m still moving forward… I’m just moving forward real slow.

It’s been tough since Kareef quit the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law. I can’t seem to get out of bed most of the time and I haven’t showered in 17 days.

But I’m still working on a new UAL album. I’m trying to do something a little more serious and socially conscious. Right now, the working title is Why Do Whales Have to Die? and it’s about the industrial destruction of our planet’s oceans. No release date yet.

In the meantime, I guess just keep listening to our old songs and reliving the glory days of the Attorneys. At least, I know that’s what I’ll be doing…

And he didn’t even tell me!!! All he did was post this damn video to YouTube and I had to find it myself.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense! He went to all the trouble of making a real sweet YouTube channel for the Attorneys and then he posted a video saying he’s quitting!!! Fuck you, Kareef. You’ll be hearing from me SOON.

…Onto all the pages of our website. First, we redid the homepage which is also the music page and our discography page and our albums page and our listening page (wait… is redid even a word?). Then we redid (there’s that word again) the contact page, so you can send us dirty love letters. And now then we redid (last time I’m using it) the multimedia page, so you can multimedia us all day long (is multimedia even a verb?).

Almost 5.5 gigs in November… not quite but almost. December is off to a modest start with just over 0.5 gigs. We love you. Love our music. WICKED.

This past Sunday, Nik Furious dropped a new track called “To the MAX” over on the AudioShocker podcast and blog. It’s a story about hooking up his nanny, pissing off his wife, and then hooking up with his mother-in-law to make everything right again. You know, normal everyday type of shit.

Whoops. I mean 5.5 gigs. That’s what you listened to and downloaded in October. And that makes us randy for your musical love. That’s right. We want you to suckle from our free downloadable teats. BTW, the Firefox spell check knows how to spell “tits.” Awesome.

And people have downloaded over 4 gigs of Attorneys music in October. Sexy.

Ah yes the tenth month of 2008 is moving along nicely. We’re at the halfway point and we’ve moved over 3 gigs of music so far. That’s what I like. You keep downloading our music and we’ll keep downloading your mom.

The following is a transcript of a text message conversation between Kareef and Nik Furious:

Kareef: Ual does -CONFIDENTIAL- classics…let me know your thoughts

Nik Furious: You are a genius. This could be the one that finally gets up in some real trouble. We should put -CONFIDENTIAL- on hold to make this album.

Kareef: I thought you might like it i figure its the most innocent becoming the most raunchy masterpiece ever

Nik Furious: Yeah this is maybe the most insane and beautiful expression of UAL i’ve ever heard. What songs to sample?

Kareef: The two that led me to think were -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a whole new girl and -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a cunt ima fuck up

Nik Furious: We gotta use -CONFIDENTIAL- and -CONFIDENTIAL- (about going down on a chick - or it could be called under my pee and be about golden showers).

Kareef: Nice i like that um im feelin a cunt etc is about us bein pissed about chicks that wont hump us so we give em roofies and well you know

Nik Furious: Fo sho. We can also sample -CONFIDENTIAL- and sing - unlicensed nights like unlicensed days more often than not we’re banging that twat in hundreds of ways.

Kareef: Very nice

Don’t get me wrong — I want this to be right. But it just seems so unbelievable. I logged into our webstats yesterday to see if we’d topped last month’s downloads, and I found this:

Last Friday / Saturday, we moved somewhere around 22 gigs of content. If this is true, that puts our total listens and downloads at over 27 gigs of material in September.

WHATAZZZ UP, nasty fans?! You did it again. You turned us on by downloading and listening to over 4 gigs of Unlicensed Attorneys music in September. That’s sexy.

By the way, what the fuck is up with the new MySpace Music thing? It totally blows! If you’re not some major label artist then you can still only upload a whopping grand total of six songs. How lame is that shit!??

The answer: super lame. That’s why the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law give you every single song we’ve ever recorded for free. No strings attached. Because we love you.

What a royal pain in my ass. I was like, “Oh, it’ll be sweet to delete the Unlicensed Diary and make this blog instead!” Well guess what? It wasn’t sweet. It sucked. Big balls. Hairy balls. Moist balls.

Okay, sorry, I’m getting carried away. Point is, I’m tired of taking our old diary updates and moving them onto this blog. And I’m goddamn glad to be done.

Anyway, podcast news coming soon…

You downloaded and listened to over 5.6 gigs of Unlicensed Attorneys music in August, making it by far our biggest bandwidth month yet.

Welcome to 5 gig country, nasty fans. Enjoy your stay.