I know this is my first official time blogging on here as Nik Furious… and it sucks to do it under these circumstances, but I’m really worried about Kareef and I have to say something. He’s acting strange, like not returning my calls and not meeting up with me at the club to tag team some crazy freaks who then come back to our place where we smear peanut butter all over their bodies and have a naked slip-n-slide competition.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really worried that he might want to quit the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law. I don’t know what I’d do if he did quit… I mean, how could it be UAL with just me? I’d have to start some shitty solo career. It’s hard being nasty on my own.

Every second Tuesday of the month we always meet up to go to the bus station and pick up chicks who aren’t wearing any panties. He totally ditched me this month. Since then, I haven’t heard a word from him. It’s starting to freak me out.

If anyone out there has talked to Kareef in the past few weeks, let me know. I have to know what’s going on. I don’t want UAL to break up. And I especially don’t want us to lose the title of Nastiest Rappers in the Universe.

Almost 5.5 gigs in November… not quite but almost. December is off to a modest start with just over 0.5 gigs. We love you. Love our music. WICKED.

This past Sunday, Nik Furious dropped a new track called “To the MAX” over on the AudioShocker podcast and blog. It’s a story about hooking up his nanny, pissing off his wife, and then hooking up with his mother-in-law to make everything right again. You know, normal everyday type of shit.

The following is a transcript of a text message conversation between Kareef and Nik Furious:

Kareef: Ual does -CONFIDENTIAL- classics…let me know your thoughts

Nik Furious: You are a genius. This could be the one that finally gets up in some real trouble. We should put -CONFIDENTIAL- on hold to make this album.

Kareef: I thought you might like it i figure its the most innocent becoming the most raunchy masterpiece ever

Nik Furious: Yeah this is maybe the most insane and beautiful expression of UAL i’ve ever heard. What songs to sample?

Kareef: The two that led me to think were -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a whole new girl and -CONFIDENTIAL- aka a cunt ima fuck up

Nik Furious: We gotta use -CONFIDENTIAL- and -CONFIDENTIAL- (about going down on a chick - or it could be called under my pee and be about golden showers).

Kareef: Nice i like that um im feelin a cunt etc is about us bein pissed about chicks that wont hump us so we give em roofies and well you know

Nik Furious: Fo sho. We can also sample -CONFIDENTIAL- and sing - unlicensed nights like unlicensed days more often than not we’re banging that twat in hundreds of ways.

Kareef: Very nice

WHATAZZZ UP, nasty fans?! You did it again. You turned us on by downloading and listening to over 4 gigs of Unlicensed Attorneys music in September. That’s sexy.

By the way, what the fuck is up with the new MySpace Music thing? It totally blows! If you’re not some major label artist then you can still only upload a whopping grand total of six songs. How lame is that shit!??

The answer: super lame. That’s why the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law give you every single song we’ve ever recorded for free. No strings attached. Because we love you.

You’ve listened to and downloaded 4 gigs of Attorneys music in August. You’ve absolutely crushed any previous month. According to my not-so-scientific calculations, that means people have downloaded and listened to over 15 hours of Unlicensed Attorneys music this month. Excellent.

You can now embed our Unlicensed music players on your own website, Facebook profile, MySpace profile, and more. Just copy the code provided at the bottom of each album page and paste away.

Here’s what you’ll get:

All the way back on 03.30.2008, we told you about a couple new bonus tracks we recorded for the 20 Minute Sex Soundtrack. Unfortunately, the first song will probably never see the light of day. But the second - Pork-N-Beanz - has arrived. Go listen.

As we mentioned on the 18th, here’s a special sneak preview of a new beat that the Attorneys will be rhyming over on a future UAL album: Windrider produced by Nik Furious (courtesy of the AudioShocker).

Whoa. What happened to the website, right? If you’ve been here before, then you’ll notice some (subtle yet significant) changes to the structure. The music page is now one and the same as the home page, and every album has a flash music player for listening.

That’s because Guilty as Charged is the final album to get the music player treatment. To coincide with the new music players, I’ve updated the layout of UnlicensedAttorneys.com to be all about the music as soon as you get to the site.

Over 1 gig worth of Unlicensed Attorneys songs downloaded in June so far, and now Unlicensed Hits has a sexy new music player. Go give it a listen.

Almost 1 gig worth of UAL songs downloaded in June so far, and we’re not stopping there. Nasty Confessional has a new music player on its album page. Just hit play and kick back. You deserve it.

What’s that, you say? You’re sick of the way UnlicensedAttorneys.com just makes you download every mp3 without the chance to listen to the songs in a sweet playlist using a flash player?

Well, the Attorneys understand your concerns. That’s why the 20 Minute Sex Soundtrack and Face Money pt 2 now have completely kickass music players so you can listen to every Unlicensed Attorneys track without ever leaving the album page. The the rest of the UAL discography will be getting this treatment soon.

We updated all our other sites to keep up with the official UnlicensedAttorneys.com release and the debut of the 20 Minute Sex Soundtrack. That means our MySpace profile, Facebook group, and My.Rawkus profile all got a face lift today. Check them out and join up if you’re not already our friend or a group member.

Our web stats say that we used over 1.5 gigs of bandwidth from yesterday into the early morning hours of today. Basically, that means people are downloading a shitload of Unlicensed Attorneys music. Excellent job, nasty fans. Keep downloading UAL songs and we’ll post more good numbers later this week.

The Unlicensed Attorneys Multimedia & Downloads page has arrived just in time to celebrate our website’s two month anniversary. Download music, view pictures, watch video, get yourself a UAL buddy icon, and then try out one of our Unlicensed desktop wallpapers on your monitor. Now that’s quality.